by Chris Huckins Google+ Email 

 

25 September 2014

September is National Velociraptor Awareness Month

Posted in Latest News

September is National Velociraptor Awareness Month

Photo by Chris Phutully from Australia [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

September is National Velociraptor Awareness Month. Great if you have health insurance. Dinosaurs love freshly-vaccinated flesh. The American Society of Velociraptor Attack Prevention (ASVAP) suggests insuring your house for a raptor attack. Its website even has coupons. I say why not insure yourself while you're at it.

Buying a policy for the first time or renewing yours? Were you aware that Obamacare has its own coupons? They're called health insurance subsidies or tax credits and are essentially sums of money the government pays toward your insurance premium. Tax credits go to qualifying individuals and families who sign up for "on-exchange" health insurance. Have you signed up for free tax credits? Clever girl. 

ASVA explains that velociraptor attacks are the third cause of death among adults age 27-29. Turning 26 is a milestone in the insurance world but it doesn't have to be your last before the inevitable raptor ambush. 

The Affordable Care Act requires adults over 26 to leave their parent's insurance plan and get their own to avoid a fine. Like baby raptors leaving the nest, this can be intimidating. Just look for the best insurance agents in Canoga Park to help. They're down the street from the Topanga Mall, home of the misleading Fossil store, which never carries amber mosquito canes despite their name. 

So how are velociraptors a threat in the present versus when dinosaurs ruled the earth: the early 90s? 

The 1990s had Jurassic Park and The Lost World. but something has survived. 2015 will see the long-awaited sequel, Jurassic World. Generation Y grew up on Barney, but today's youth learn from animatronic thunder lizards at Los Angeles' Dinosaur Encounters. The 90's Power Rangers wielded the mighty morphin dinosaurs but a 2016 remake will feature 3D, likely-voiced-by-Andy Serkis dinozords. 

Velociraptors depend on prey underestimating their relevancy. That's how they attack - when you least expect it. Will the release dates of these blockbusters be pushed back? Then we won't know when or where the raptors will invade. At least we know when the next open enrollment is:  November 15.

Better get insurance.

Ah ah ah. You didn't say the magic word.

Ah ah ah. You didn't say the magic word.

Ah ah ah. You didn't say the magic word.

Ah ah ah. You didn't say the magic word.

Ah ah ah. You didn't say the magic word.

Ah ah ah. You didn't say the magic word.